Room 9's show, not tell writing.

By Anna Garthwaite | Posted: Thursday July 6, 2017

We have been exploring how to develop show, not tell in our writing to build up vivid word pictures.  The task involved a writing prop which is not allowed to be mentioned in the writing.

An eager smile spread willingly across my twinkling face. A tense feeling twisted around me like a python discovering a new pray after a long starvation, with the knowledge of jealousy being caused by passing people. Another waft of orange tickled my nose leaving an excited feeling tingling in my stomach. As I greedily sucked my precious possession it began to grow more petite and my mind finally let the idea occur to myself that my delightful moment was nearly over. I mournfully took my last lick as the life of my favorite treasure in that moment slowly ended.

Olivia

The crackling, shattered, creased, wrapper swiftly glided out of the sugary flavour hidden beneath the covering crickle. The sweet sensation of the hiding joy emerged from the plastic and into my mouth. Drizzling down my throat and making my mouth water even more then is was already. Trickling down the back of my throat I soon began to taste the stick, I knew now that this was the end of the taste the flavour the goodness.

Keziah

As the wrapper rapidly crackled away, as in my big sweaty hands fumbled with the rapper trying to get it off. I tore the wrapper with all my might i flung it into my mouth as fast as I can, as I slowly sucked away at the sweet hard strawberry sweet. I felt my taste buds let loose as they sweated with delight. The sugar exploding in my mouth is all I could feel and all I wanted to feel. As my teeth crushed the sweet, all I heard the crushing and the crunching of the sweet. 

Kyle

It crackles by the touch of your finger, wrinkling just makes my stomach growl asking for just one taste. I start to slowly tug on the stick to pull the mouth watering piece of candy out of its prison cell. It makes a satisfying pop as it comes out, fingers gripped tight on the white stick. I shove the delicious candy in my mouth as I quench my taste for the sweet sensation. It slowly disintegrates like how fire turns paper into dust. My tongue wants more, it needs more..

Evers